As of this writing the number of COVID-19 cases and deaths continues to rise. This is putting a strain on the health care system. All over the world severe restrictions are being put back into place.
But there’s an even greater threat than this virus. It sickens me to think I’ve been neglegent for not bringing this to your attention before now.
This threat is…
Dandruff.
Think I’m kidding? Think again. And again.
Even after frequent hair washings, dandruff can come back. A “Wash your hair” campaign must be implemented.
But even with that, shampoo is an inadequate solution.
Test kits can’t be created and distributed fast enough. We need a one-size-fits-all vaccine immediately! There is no herd immunity.
The best way to show your concern for others–and the community at large–is to wear a hair net. Wear it everywhere you go to protect yourself and those around you.
Wearing a hair net must be made manditory.
Hair net manufacturers unite! Retooling and mobilizing hair net factories must start now.
You must vigorously practice social distancing. Don’t be selfish and inconsiderate.
If you wear white or brightly colored clothing, you’re only hiding the problem.
Never stand down wind from anyone. You’re only exposing yourself to the danger of getting flecks of dandruff on you if you don’t take the necessary precautions.
Curfews and restrictions on businesses and churches must be imposed everywhere. The number of people in gatherings of all kinds must be restricted to no more than two people.
And even that may not be enough to eradicate dandruff.
You’re a public menace and a serious danger if you don’t comply with the law.
Yes, there will be a strain on the economy, but emergency relief programs from governments all over the world will make things right.
And how could I forget the media’s role in this?
Media outlets of every kind must not allow anything to be reported that isn’t based on factual science. Those who attempt to spread conspiracy theories will be punished to the full extent of the law.
With all of that said, are you ready to hear the most dreadful truth about this hideous plague?
The fatality rate is 100%. Everybody who has dandruff–or comes in contact with somebody who has dandruff–will die!